A Little Break Room Chat
by scubysnak
Summary: A discussion among the CSIs about the weirdest places they had found dead bodies turns into a completely different conversation. CS one shot


**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em…**

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room and suddenly everyone stops talking and tries to look like they weren't doing anything? Well, I just got that feeling.

It's been a long shift and all I want is a fresh cup of coffee a few quiet minutes with my girlfriend and instead, I'm now assuaged by this overwhelming desire to turn and run. I know they were talking about me. Why else would they suddenly stop talking the second my feet hit the break room floor?

I bite my bottom lip and try to back out without drawing any more attention to myself only to be stopped short when I back into Nick, who, incidentally has been working the same case I have.

"Hey there, cowgirl, where you trying to mosey off to?" he asks with a thick, Texas drawl. We had just finished working this scene at a rodeo that was in town and on the way back to the lab we had quite a laugh about how thick some of those guys—and gals—were pouring on their cowboy act.

I laugh nervously, but I can still feel everyone's eyes on me. I just smile and walk back in and take a seat beside Catherine, forgetting the cup of coffee I so desperately wanted only a moment ago.

I just bob my head to the beat in my head, still unsure of my presence in the room. I want to lean over and ask Cath what was being discussed, but since she was a participant in the conversation, I'm a little peeved with her at the moment, too.

Finally, unable to bear the silence any longer, I speak up, "What were you guys talking about?"

Much to my dismay, Cath, Warrick, Greg, Sofia and Grissom start to laugh. And it's not that polite hoity-toity laugh that society people have. It's that gut-busting, 'you just said the funniest thing and you don't even know it' laugh.

I go to stand up, certain that I'm the butt of a joke, and Cath grabs my hand, a tear running down her reddened cheek from laughter. "Sit down, Sar," she says as she firmly pulls me back down beside her.

"What's got you guys busting a gut?" Nick asks as he flips a chair around backwards and straddles it to face the rest of the group.

"Wooo," Rick says as he straightens up and leans in toward Nick. "Alright man, you're weird about this stuff sometimes, but we were talking about the weirdest places we've had DBs."

Nick shook his head in confusion, "I'm not weird about DBs."

"But you are when it comes to talks about sex," Greg throws out there.

"Dude, you guys are talking about sex and DBs? That's just disgusting," Nick quickly judges.

"Nah, man. The weirdest places conversation about DBs led to the weirdest places we'd had sex. It's that stuff that you get all uptight about," Warrick said as he nodded his head and pointed in Nick's direction.

"Yeah, whatever man. I'm not having this conversation with you guys. It's just like that bet about … about…self-pleasure you all made a few months back." Nick stood, put his chair back under the table and left the room in a huff.

No sooner had he left the room when Sofia leaned forward and said, "Okay, Cath you were about to tell us your weirdest place."

I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest, eager to find out where the weirdest place was she had engaged in sexual activities was.

She blushed, obviously at the memory, and crossed her legs. "I was fifteen. It was in the baptismal pool behind the choir area in church. I can't think of a more appropriate place to have sex if you're going to be saying 'Oh God' over and over," she smirks and waggles her eyebrows. "Not that he was that great, but I had seen a few porn flicks by then and that's what all the girls did in them. He certainly thought he rocked my world."

Everyone laughed. Everyone except me. I had no idea Cath had sex in a church. There are just some lines I refuse to cross and even though I'm about as far from religious as you can get without being an atheist, even _I_ wouldn't have sex in a church.

"How about you, Sofia?"

She snickered as she put her hand on the butt of her gun and winked at Catherine, "That would be the firing range. Police Academy…his name was…well, his name isn't important. Let's just say that a lot of _shooting_ went on—and I don't mean the kind with bullets."

"Mine's good," Grissom said, eager to chime in. "I was dating this attractive young woman named Evelyn. You recall that I had a body farm in college?" Several heads bounced up and down in agreement and we all winced, clearly knowing where this was going. "I don't know if it was the smell of decomposing flesh or the starry sky, but we did it somewhere between the body that was dumped under a mattress and the one that was left in the trunk of a car."

I felt bile rise in the back of my throat. The thought alone of Grissom having sex was enough to make me want to lose my lunch, but him getting laid on a body farm?

I was still recovering from his putrid revelation when Warrick saw his opportunity. "I promise mine isn't as…disgusting…as that. I was on a hot streak at the Tangiers one night," he paused and then quickly added, "years ago. I didn't want to get up from the table. You know how superstitious people are when they're winning. My girl was sitting beside me and before I knew what she was doing, she had lowered my fly, and slid her hand right in my pants. I got a handjob right there at the table. Walked away with a nice wad of cash, too." He had that thousand watt smile working overtime as he was grinning at all of us.

We all turned our attention to Greg.

"Now, I know what you're all thinking. Just what weird places has that Adonis loved the ladies in? Well, I'll tell you, but you'll never believe me. The weirdest place I've ever had sex—the bed."

Warrick reached over and punched him in the arm and Sofia said, "That's okay, Greg. We all know you're only saying the bed since you're still a virgin." This only earned more laughs and an extremely pissed off expression on Greg's face.

"Whatever," he said angrily. "Sara, how about you? Surely Miss California…Miss Ivy League has had a tryst or two in some down and dirty places."

I knew that eventually they'd want me to say something, to tell the weirdest place I'd had sex. Yet, I still wasn't prepared to answer. I was no wall-flower; I'd had an interesting, albeit mostly vanilla and plain sex life. I sat in silence a few seconds before smiling broadly and proudly announcing, "Space Mountain."

Without missing a beat, Greg said, "I thought you told me that when you and Catherine were in California last month was the first time you had been to Disney and that the only reason you went was because she forced you."

My eyes went wide. I forgot I had told him that. You could practically hear the wheels turning in their heads as they suddenly put the pieces together and realized what that meant. I stole a quick glance at Catherine and saw that she was blushing profusely.

Grissom, as usual, was the last to comprehend what had just been revealed to the rest of the group.

He took his glasses off and stared at the two of us. "So when you were in California…."

"Yes," we both answered simultaneously.

"…you went to Disney…"

"Yes," we both said in unison again.

"…and you…on the ride…"

"Yes," Cath said. "I took Sara to Disney, the happiest place on earth and then took her for the ride of her life—and I don't mean Space Mountain either."

"Well," Grissom said as he slid his glasses back up his nose, "I don't understand why you all were so grossed out by my body farm story. Do you realize how many germs they were exposed to on that single ride? That's way grosser than rotting bodies in the wilderness." He stood to leave and then turned back around, "Just make sure Ecklie doesn't find out. He'll expect you to amend your report on the conference if you do. And I'm pretty sure the last thing either of you want is Ecklie reading about how you…well…you know."

Warrick and Greg left in search of results on a case they were working together and that left Sofia in the room with Catherine and myself.

Sofia said, "Seriously? Space Mountain?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, but honestly, that's not the weirdest place. When Grissom was on sabbatical a few months back, he had asked us to stop by and water the plants, feed the spiders—that sorta stuff. Well, don't ever tell Grissom this, but…"


End file.
